LOVE DATES AND THE STATUS OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM IN THE RUSSIAN EMPIRE IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE NINETEENTH – EARLY TWENTIETH CENTURY

Girlhood is a life stage between "childhood" and "maturity", and in fact, marriage. For women, this period refers to those stages of the life cycle that are widely represented in the scientific literature in relation to different social communities and epochs [2, с. 250].

Grooming means to be in the position of the groom. This status was very important, as it showed the men's serious intentions for further marriage. Public and statesman Alexander Nikolaevich Naumov (1868-1950), recalled that officially he and his wife acquired the status of a bride and groom in 1897 at a family celebration: "At the formal dining table drowned in flowers, champagne was poured for everyone and Konstantin Kapitonovich officially announces Anyuta and me as the bride and groom." [3, с. 275].

The writer and memoirist Prince Vladimir Sergeyevich Trubetskoy (1892-1938), while serving in the Life Guards of Her Majesty's Cuirassier Regiment, only narrated how he was away from his bride, did not report the details and features of his relationship: "At the same time, my feeling for the bride grew, turning directly into some kind of cult, and each more so or a less prolonged separation from her was infinitely painful for me." [1, с. 14].

The nobles had a certain social circle and friendly connections. Therefore, the acquaintance of a man with the future chosen one in most cases took place in the families of acquaintances, family friends or at joint events. Details and emotional coloring indicate the importance of this moment for a man. The acquaintance of the famous artist and art historian Alexander Nikolaevich Benois (1870-1960) with Anna Karlovna Kind (1869-1952) took place at a family celebration: "I first met the one who was to become my lifelong friend in 1876 at the wedding of my older brother Alber. Our love affair with Anya Kind, which began when we were sixteen years old, lasted for the rest of our lives." [4, с. 66].

The meeting of A. N. Naumov with his future wife Anna Konstantinovna Ushkova (1878-1962) took place in the house of mutual friends of the Ushkov family: "Involuntarily, my special attention was drawn to the eldest of them - Anna, who over the years acquired external charm. Not once did I find myself feeling that special admiration and endless adoration." [3, с. 264].

In the second half of the 19th century, male nobles experience changes in their consciousness and behavior, both in relation to their feelings and in their marriage itself. In addition to their own emotions and preferences, men began to take into account the feelings of women. Gradually, the situation became the norm when a man initially asked for consent from his chosen one, and only after that turned to his parents. So, Count Nikolai Nikolaevich Zubov (1832-1898), proposed to his future wife – Countess Alina Vasilyevna Olsufyeva (1838-1913) in 1861, and after that he wrote to his father about their joint decision to marry: "My beloved father! Although I haven't written to you about the A. family yet, that's because I haven't asked Alina from her mother yet, but everything has already been decided between us. We had a chance to talk, and we saw that our personalities were quite similar, and our thoughts were similar, so we decided to connect our spiritual ties by getting married. I embrace you from the bottom of my heart and ask for your blessing." The future spouse also expressed her emotions about the upcoming wedding and wrote to the groom's father: "Dear Count! I am writing to you because I want you to hear from me that I am happy and content to join the family I have long loved. You know your son, and so you will understand that I am not getting carried away when I think that he is quite worthy of my love and will justify my trust." The groom's father N. D. Zubov supported the young couple's decision to legalize their relationship in a letter to his future daughter-in-law: "Dear Alina! Your letter has made me very happy indeed. Knowing my son to be worthy of your love, you have given me the right to assure you that Nicholas will fully justify your confidence. The closer you get to him, the more you honor him, and that's what family happiness is all about. I am happy to welcome my lovely daughter-in-law."

Men sometimes did not stop and such obstacles as different social status. Before the abolition of serfdom, cases of cohabitation between a nobleman and a peasant woman were quite common, although they rarely led to marriage. An example is the case of the painter and graphic artist Lev Mikhailovich Zhemchuzhnikov (1828-1912), who, being a hereditary nobleman, unable to marry a serf girl, stole her and went abroad: "I irrevocably decided to snatch poor Olga from the pool. I made my way freely to the wing, near which I met a girl named Marya, who was quite a reliable and good friend of Olga's. After talking with her, I asked her to call Olga; she ran away, and soon Olga appeared with a small bundle; and we took a friendly leave of Marya and immediately set off for the high road." [5, с. 229].  After living abroad for several years and learning that serfdom was abolished in Russia, the author was able to return with his family.

Dates were often held in the presence of friends or relatives, which made it possible to maintain decency and protect the girl's honor. Private meetings were generally inappropriate, and if such meetings did occur, they were viewed with disapproval by society. However, despite the strictness of the rules, there were also small "tricks". For example, lovers could exchange notes that were sent with the help of trusted people, or use masks to hide their feelings from outsiders.

In the literature of that time, you can find many examples that reflect the situation with love dates. Many writers, such as Anton Chekhov and Ivan Bunin, have described the complexities and subtleties of interpersonal relationships, as well as their inherent anxieties and fears. These works often show a polarity between social pressure and sincere feelings.

Moving on to the beginning of the 20th century, it is worth noting that with the change in public perceptions of love and marriage, dating began to become more free. The influence of Western culture, especially after 1900, gradually changed social attitudes. New forms of leisure appeared, such as visiting theaters and cafes, where young people began to get out together. This allowed for more open and honest relationships, although traditions continued to persist in certain segments of society.

Despite the changes, love dating in the Russian Empire remained characteristic for its duality-between strict rules of morality and the desire for romantic experiences. As a result, this time was a unique period in the history of Russia, which marked the beginning of new ideas about love and partnership, which will have an impact on future generations.